Man, I dont feel shit. This thing is so smooth compared to the thing we get back in Chennai. True Communist pacha ( green).

10 minutes later

Macha these mosquitos are out of jurassic park freake. Fuck Jesus, I can feel the wind in my bone marrow, I think the geopolitical situation in Syria is due to lack of free Wifi, I don’t deserved to be loved, Jeeva- call Sushma Swaraj, I love Russia, Is that a bear? I can feel  the urine all the way from my kidneys, will life have meaning after Russia?, I love you Amar, Should I call mom now?. 

As you can see, that thing got me tripping balls. 


We walk down to the Pier and then there was Danny’s boat. The guys so lucky he’s got his own boat. Before that, we had stocked supplies for the night. Potatoes and Lays, Danny’s girlfriend ( a fit bird )translated all our questions for us. It was trivial, generic questions like, “ Will we die?” ,” How close is the nearest hospital?”, “ Do the snakes come inside the tent?”. You know, the stuff you read off a coffee table book. Once we got our reassurances that we are as further away from civilisation as we can be, with proper phone network. We decided to camp.

The ride on the boat was insane, cold winds blowing on us and I start shivering and then the Kizhi cathedral in all its glory passes us by and soon we are in the middle of the lake.

Titanic could be shot here as thats how big this lake is. Danny offers a smoke which we refuse cause if our hands come outside our pockets, we would get frostbite. And we finally see our island. Our own Russian piece of land in rural Russia which is going to be inhabited by two brown guys from the South of India. ( We should have hoisted that India flag there). It had a pier to dock boats and a run down shelter to camp during rains. Also the remains of a camp fire circle and, to give us some courage, a pole with all the emergency helpline numbers. ( In English). We set up camp on the pier cause at least if the snakes come, we will see them coming. 

Then Danny brings out this bottle, this makeup kit and takes two small particles of condensed particulate matter( charas) from it , and then puts that on a cigarette until it smokes up. Then he punctures the bottle using the cig and let the smoke build up until the bottle is filled with it, and then “ Boom Shiva, Har Har Mahadeva”. It actually felt a lot like tobacco smoke, but when it hits machane. U will realise how awesome it is. I send a lot of audio clips to my mate Jeevan during this time and he would tell you how rad things got. I send him our location and also asked him to call Susma Swaraj if something bad happens. I will try to attach some voice clips to this.( Second thoughts no, its too embarrassing)


THE STEPS TO NIRVANA ( Its not that steps are missing, I was just so wasted)



For the first time, I felt like I was living life. I was breathing in air ( non THC infused), at a place that no one could imagine, with a mate and our faith completely in our hands. No weight of the past, no anticipation of the future. Just living at the present. It is a feeling I very rarely get, but when it does happen, I wont forget it for life. It was amazing.

But the best part is yet to come, my motor skills were in question after the hit and somehow Amar guided me to edge of the pier and made me sit. Then the big daddy comes out. Amar was Smart enough to get a bottle of Vodka. Russian Vodka. It would be our first time affirming Russian stereotypes and getting fucking wasted. The last time I had a shot and a drink, I threw up from the 8th floor of a friends apartment. They said it looked like a work of modern art, the image which could be viewed from the top. And each of the balconies of the 7 doors below had something to wake up to in the morning. He got evicted and fined 10k the next day. ( I feel so depressed and feel like laughing at the same time). So I didn’t wanna drink too much and end up sick on a deserted island. So me and Amar ended up drinking till sundown( Which is 0000 hours). We were watching a Mexico game I think, I honestly don’t remember. Amar went to bed and the mosquitoes forced me to make a undignified retreat into the tent. Then I slumbered off,

I remember being awakened by Amar when it started raining. Drunk Amar had this idea that we should go for a swim. I was like, Macha. You are the sensible one amongst us, don’t scare me. And then we woke up the next day. Multiple times, I remember video calling Rajjapan, my coach at Decathlon and then Amma and you know what the best part was. Danny wasn’t pickup up his calls. I tried calling him a few times and he didn’t pickup. There was the lingering thought in the back of my mind that we were fucked. But I didn’t tell Amar cause I didn’t want to worry him. But he came back. When we heard the sound of that Yamaha motor from inside the tent,  “ Moonlight Sonata” wouldn’t have been that melodic. It was insane. And we packed up, and shifted to the boat. We were wearing our sleeping bags on us for the boat trip. The cold wind would have fucked us up otherwise. 

And when we landed, guess who was the first person we met. 

Tamara. And I am not making this up, but these were her exact words -“ Oh, you are alive?”.

Loosu Koodhi, ( Crazy cunt) was our instinctive reaction, but we are forgetting that this women’s type of sarcasm was our teachers type. So we said fake thank you and got back on the hydrofoil back home. ( Had the worst soup of my life on the way )

It was the most insane experience of my life.

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